Finished Odd Girl Speaks Out

I have learned that if you haven't gone through the drama of loosing friends and having to start anew, it's hard to comprehend the pain. This book was recommended to me by my father who heard about it over the radio. At the time when he insisted I read "Odd Girl Speaks Out" I 'yessed' him. When the book first came out I was in a stable group of friends, everyone loved each other, and everyone wanted to be with everyone else. I started bringing my other friends to meet the 'group' and for a short time one could say we were a 'big, happy family.' In the 8th grade our table was so full that we had to have two table close together, to fit everyone, and we always got yelled at by the aid because there were too many of us! That unfortunately soon came to an end over 8th grade summer into 9th grade. Now in 10th grade and revisiting this same oh too familiar territory, I picked up this book. To absorb the most from this book you must be open to healing the wounds and trying to "[feel] good about [yourself]"(195). No friendship is perfect but like anything it has to be nurtured and loved to work.

I really enjoyed this book. It helped me through a long, hard, and painful fight with a close friend. As isolated as I felt, I realized I absolutely wasn't alone. The realization that going through this pain could make me a better person was eye-opening. I recommend this book to girls, to help them through the tortures of girl drama, and to guys, to try and understand what happens behind the curtains of a girl's friendships. Also to parents so their daughters don't have to be so isolated and feel like 'a fish out of water.'

I hate to say it but a girl really has to go through the pain to find her own, unique personality. It's okay to "...hide [you] tears behind fake smiles and fake laughs" as long as you can eventually truly smile and be happy (191). Not all of a girl's high school years have to be spent crying and being fake--we're allowed to be ourselves too!

Until next time,
Devon

Towards the end of Odd Girl Speaks Out

Amazing how you can so clearly see yourself in the pages of a book. It's comforting and a little bit frightening at the same time. It's not new, it's not me, it's how it is-why?

The big point here is that it's true how some people "[look] for someone to dominate" in order to feel safe and confident(122). The kind of girls that need to put others down to feel superior. The common 'Mom comfort line,' something along the lines of, 'that girl is just jealous of you' may be true-and when you are a train wreck it helps to hear that. Here the author makes such an interesting point. Aggression in school often comes as a result of problems at home- the "[letting] go of a lot of negative energy", but also fear(140). Fear expressed as anger. How is this helpful? Honestly, no matter if the bullying erupts from jealousy or "fear that no one will be their friend," the pain is still very real to their victim(141). There is a lot of truth in the saying, ' the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' Some mothers actually encourage their daughters to behave negatively towards other girls- and fight their daughter's fights. Personally, I know one girl who is the exact replica of her mother. Her mother always fights with her daughter's friends-in person and even over the phone- as if the fights were her own. It's happened to me and she wasn't even right, just very loud. It was absolutely shocking.

So many great points in these chapters to consider. 'Girl' behavior is so extremely complex. Like when does silence equal to anger, or when is silence just, 'I'm tried?' Some things in this book do annoy me, although the advice sounds good sometimes it seems so simplistic. For example, the book recomends not to fight in cyber-space because people need to talk and see each other, as to not be misunderstood. This doesn't always work, girls will lie right to your face and smile about it. In a perfect world girls would listed to their friends concerns and respond honestly but thats not what usually happens. It is a very important point not to send those hot IM's, cool off, re-read, send it tomorrow, or not at all. I have learned that not responding is often the most powerful statement. "IM's and e-mails are like passing notes or writing on the bathroom wall. They are inadequate, impersonal tools of communication. When you have a problem with someone and need to resolve it, nothing will ever replace the experience of two open eyes and a firm, respectful voice"(148). Although this may be the hardest way to confront a problem, it often is the best.

Something I find so wonderful in this book is it's not just the author telling you what she thinks, it's told by other girls themselves in their own words from their own experiences. It's eerie and comforting reading their words. I keep saying it, I'm not alone.

Love, Devon

P.S. Thanks so much Ms. O'Brien for being so understanding and compassionate

How 'Odd Girl Speaks Out' Makes Me Feel

This entry isn't really about the book but how what I'm reading makes me feel. Girls start to pick you apart, leaving you for dead and they like it. You really have to find it within yourself to get over them. For me it took months until I realized I didn't need them to survive high school- that they couldn't control my life anymore. You have to realize that you don't have the problem-they do. You can't rely on someone to get you out/solve your problem. It has to come from within yourself. "When you go through something so tough you tend to realize things. I realized when my friends wouldn't help me through, what fake friendships I actually had. I realized the importance of family and how no matter what, they will always love you and [will] be there for you. One thing I didn't realize or deal with yet was letting go of these friendships I'd had for so long, even if they were fake"(92). You don't have to deal with them and their problems. I didn't and now I have the kind of friends that would do anything for me, and I for them.

Often in this book, I've made comments about how I went through the same thing or felt the same way. Yet, I say this all the time in exactly the same words. In my case, "I'm not friends with [many] girls. Most of my friends are guys. They don't stab you in the back. With guys there's no drama. It's less complicated". This is right-on-point for me. Most of my friends are guys except for one close girl friend. Like the quote says, "With guys there's no drama. It's less complicated"(103)! Although everyone has there problems, with my guys I always know where they stand and I love to death how they are protective over me, even if they won't admit it they love me and I love them back!!!

Until next time,
Devon

Odd Girl Speaks Out (About Mid-way through)

It seems no matter what age group, girls have the innate ability to make each other feel insecure and wrong. Like when you ask a friend if they're mad and they say they're not - they could be lying. Your not crazy to think that " you must have done something [wrong] to make her abandon you..."(49). Believe me, I've been there and felt that pain, that anger. Girls seem to have another language of body language and the silent treatment that is hard for adults/other friends to understand. (Whether the adults don't to remember their past pain over friends or recognize your pain is one thing but, it is there). This language can be so deadly, so painful and leads you to ask yourself, "[am I] willing to accept the way she's treating [me]?" (51). A friendship should be a two way street but as everyone knows it sometimes isn't. "... The friendship is... happening on her terms... she's nice to you when she wants to be. She controls the rules of the relationship" (51). No one should be allowed to act one way when your one on one and another when she's with her new friends. From recent events in my life, I can honestly say people who make you feel like your "back-up friend" are not worth the time or agony. I haven't been so excited to read a book in a while. I'm getting so much out of it.

Boys- you can read this book too- its not just for girls. Who knows, it may help you understand our "species" (girls) just a little bit better.

Until next time,
Devon